I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
