i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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