K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
