a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When are your genitals available?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
