this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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