I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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