do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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