a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
