I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
