I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i now understand why vodka
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
