I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
