try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
