evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
