I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
