We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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