we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
