Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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