im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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