Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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