So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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