I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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