I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
