Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
