i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
