Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize