Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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