the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
