and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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