I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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