problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
