The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
love makes seman taste better
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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