How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
