the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
