OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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