I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
