As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
