Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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