you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
