I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
