are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize