Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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