did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
