Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
