I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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