Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize