remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
