...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
