went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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