If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
