I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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