I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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