When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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