the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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