at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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