Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
