I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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