the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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