I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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