theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
