Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You ate ashes out of my bong
is it fun? or sober?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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