after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
