dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
