Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
