I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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