Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
